“Youth fades; love droops; the leaves of friendship fall; a mother’s secret hope outlives them all,” the writer-poet Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr. wrote more than a 150 years ago. Today, his words still resonate with anyone who has lost a mother, mother-in-law or stepmother — no matter how long ago.
From Meditative Walks to Mom’s Favorite Recipes
As you approach Mother’s Day, consider all the various, meaningful ways that you can honor and remember her this year. Start by focusing on extending her influence and impact through stories, memorials, generational testaments to her vitality, and reflections that keep her forever in your heart.
Here are a few suggestions to spark your creativity and thinking about how best to remember and honor your mother figure.
Tell her stories. Make sure her grandchildren and younger family members can visualize who she was through stories, even if they never met her or have only passing memories of her. What was her childhood like? What were her hobbies? What is the silliest thing you ever saw her do? What was her favorite song? How did she make you feel when you were in her presence? Did she ever give you advice that changed your life? Telling her stories not only keeps her memory alive and deepens her impact, it gives you an opportunity to continue to tap into comforting memories that keep her alive in your heart.
Make her stories visual. Create a photo album, scrapbook, blog, video or memorial quilt to share with other family members as a way of continuing her legacy and keeping her “close.” Ask other family members to contribute items to a photo album or scrapbook. Invite them to add their own square to a memorial quilt. Encourage them to record or videotape their favorite stories and memories. Look at them whenever you need a smile or memory boost.
Re-create her presence through food. Which recipe made her famous? Which dish, dessert or delicacy brings back instant memories of your mother, mother-in-law or stepmother? Prepare her legendary recipe and share it — and her stories — with family and friends.
Write her a letter. Work through your own grief by letting her know how you’re doing now. What do you want to thank her for? Is there anything you want to tell her that you couldn’t or didn’t say while she was alive? How did she influence your life? Journaling can help you work through your own lingering thoughts and feelings about someone who played a major role in your life.
Take a meditative walk with her. Nature can be a healing force. If writing your mom a letter doesn’t interest you, take a quiet walk with the spirit of your mom, mother-in-law or stepmother in your favorite park or outdoor setting. Bring her up to date on what’s happening in your life and the lives of those who were touched by her. Let her know she’s still you in spirit.
Read stories or poetry about mothers. If thinking too personally about her is still difficult, find comfort by reading poetry, stories, books or quotes about mothers and mother figures. Other peoples’ words and thoughts can bring comfort, too, and they might trigger ideas for keeping her memory alive as time passes.
Donate to or volunteer at a favorite charity in her honor. Identify your mom’s favorite causes and inspirations? Animal welfare? Child welfare? Women’s welfare? Literacy? Historical preservation? Nature? Education? Preschool? Food banks? The homeless? Whatever her cause, consider donating in her memory or volunteering with an organization that is involved with that specific cause.
If you’re financially able, create a lasting tribute to your mother. Consider creating a scholarship in your mother figure’s name at a local high school, community college, trade school, university or specialty school. Fund a community garden in her name. Work with a local community foundation to establish a fund to support her favorite cause, and designate which individuals or organizations should receive a yearly donation in her honor. If she was a nature lover, donate toward a plaque on a memorial bench or picnic shelter to honor her love of the outdoors. Whatever you do, make it individually meaningful to you mother figure and the role she played in the world.
What did your mother love to do? Do it on Mother’s Day in her honor. Whether she loved to dig in the garden, swim laps in the ocean, bake cookies, ride a horse, get down on the floor with the grandkids, read a book, or hike to the top of the nearest mountain, engage in your mother’s favorite activity as a way of reconnecting with her spirit, energy and interests. Whether you do what mom loved to do individually or as a family/group, be sure to keep your heart and mind open for the signs she’ll send so that you can feel her right next to you, every step of the way.
Working through grief is a personal journey that requires time. Whether your mother, mother-in-law or stepmother passed away in the past few days, months, years or decades, her influence is still tangible and the memories remain for you and other family members.
Explore grief creatively this year to help yourself and others remember who she was, why she mattered, and how her legacy will continue.