Elisha Elliott is the Community Outreach and Aftercare Coordinator at McGuinness Funeral Home in Woodbury, New Jersey. She’s also a former educator with English, Education, and Psychology degrees from Glassboro State College. Elisha says the plan is a step in the right direction: “I think it’s wonderful that somebody finally said, ‘Hey, we need this in our schools because the support might not be at home.’ People don’t think about grief until they’re faced with a crisis. It’s important to start the conversation about how death and dying are a natural part of our existence and understand that it’s okay to ask for help with grief.”
She adds: “I think there was a feeling, like, okay, the pandemic’s over. Go back to your life without understanding that these kids lost so much. I see too many broken young people. They’re struggling with so much.”
An In-School Resource to Help Kids Cope
“All you have to do is talk to a student who lost their parent, and you will see why this is a good idea,” said State Senator Jon Bramnick (R., Union), one of the bill’s primary sponsors. “(It’s an) important law that explains what young people experience when a tragedy occurs.”
The Grief Instruction Bill earned the praise and support of both parties in the New Jersey state legislature. The law stems from increased awareness of students’ mental health issues before and after the pandemic, as well as the social and emotional impact of school shootings, the death of a friend or loved one, and other high-intensity experiences. While many details are still being worked out, the bill offers grades 8-12:
- Age-appropriate curriculum explaining the physical, emotional, and behavioral symptoms of grief
- Coping mechanisms and techniques for handling grief and loss
- Resources such as in-school support, mental health crisis support, and individual and group therapy
“Grief can be a debilitating experience that lasts a lifetime when not addressed properly,” New Jersey Governor Phil Murphy (D) said in a statement. “Having lost my parents, other family members, dear friends, and loved ones, I understand the pain grief can hold on a person. It is my hope that prioritizing the teaching of grief and loss in schools will provide students with the tools and resources they need to cope with the challenges of life.”
Who’s Teaching the Grief Teachers?
The state Board of Education must now provide standards for implementation and a curriculum for schools to use. Because the grief bill falls within the state’s Student Learning Standards in Comprehensive Health and Physical Education, health and physical education teachers will be responsible for teaching the course. Elisha is a bit wary of that requirement: “I have a passion for helping people through their grief journey, so I want it done right. It’s not like teaching about good hygiene. Grief is a multifaceted emotion that people experience in their way.”
In Elisha’s opinion, bereavement education should be presented by someone with a background in psychological or even social work: “My biggest concern is that the Board gets information from the people who know grief and understand what a monumental thing this is to present to kids.” She hopes the Board reaches out to experienced grief counselors through the New Jersey State Funeral Directors Association or similar accredited organizations.
Parental Support for Grief Bill
While it is too soon to gauge parental reaction to the bill, one mother spoke favorably. Kara L. is mom to a high school freshman in West Orange, New Jersey: “School is such a big part of my daughter’s life. When she lost her grandma, some of her teachers and friends were supportive, which was great. But I think it would have been even more helpful to have an actual curriculum on how to understand and process what she was going through.”
Kara isn’t alone in worrying about her teen finding a supportive environment to express herself safely. It’s not only grief but overall mental health and wellness that concerns many parents. Your Teen for Parents magazine conducted a Facebook poll asking parents of teenagers what they consider the most pressing challenges. The top three? Middle school bullying (one parent called middle school “a dumpster fire” for non-stop peer bullying), too much pressure from social media, and mental health. Parents worry about teen suicide, a grim reality made worse by bullying, or the ever-present FOMO (fear of missing out) exclusionary nature of social media.
Grief Affects All Ages
Elisha would like to see age-appropriate grief awareness for all grades, starting as young as kindergarten. “Five-year-olds lose their parents too,” she says. “Kids worry about whether they’re doing something correctly. They don’t want to be made fun of. And parents don’t always want to cry or express their grief around their children. They think they have to be strong.” A safe space for kids and teens to share their feelings is essential.
Online Resources for Bereaved Children and Teens
New Jersey lawmakers boast that the new grief education bill is the first in the country. Until more schools begin offering this resource, parents can find support for grieving youngsters and teens from several reliable sources:
- National Alliance for Grieving Children
- The Dougy Center for Grieving Children & Families
- National Child Traumatic Stress Network – Tips for Caregivers of Teens
- Winston’s Wish
Your local funeral provider is also an excellent resource. Some have grief counselors or community outreach professionals on staff, and most are connected to local grief support groups, faith-based agencies, and community providers who are ready to help.